It’s so easy not to care.
Easy to sit here alone
and tell myself, I don’t care
about not belonging anywhere
about not enjoying anything
about not being heard by anyone.
It’s easier to not need them.
Easy to stick up my middle finger
and say to them, I don’t need
you or your acceptance
you or your traditions
you or your understanding.
It’s always been so easy to not believe.
Easy to turn my back away from God
and say to Him, I don’t believe
in your eternal love
in your divine guidance
in your promise of Heaven.
But, and I don’t know why,
It’s not easy giving up on you.
Not easy to look you in the eye, lie
and say to you, I don’t secretly
remember the moments we’d had together
yearn to hear your voice speaking to me
hope to see you walk through that door again.
Jade is the founder of Writing Bad. She resides in California with her son and cat. You can find more writing from her on writingbad.org