There’s Something the Matter in Hell by Robert Mackey

Little Abigail Farnsworth Fiske III is the favorite, sophisticated eleven-year-old of Manhattan’s Upper West Side. Until a piano falls on her head, kills her, and obliterates everything she thoughts she knew about the afterlife.

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After finding Heaven to be unconscionably boring, Abby does the unthinkable – and opts to be sent to Hell instead. But the Underworld has problems of its own. The employed torturers are exhausted yet scared out of their minds, some of the inhabitants should never have been sent to Hell in the first place, and things have really run themselves into the ground. With the help of Axel, a boy who was wrongly sent to Hell as an ‘axe murderer’, and Willy, a demon who made one too many mistakes, Abby embarks on a mission to get herself the Hell out of there. Along the way, a bevy of moronic, disturbing, and completely unworthy characters join her, only to find that God has left His Godly duties behind Him and Satan just wants a friend. In this hysterical, irreverent romp through the afterlife, Abby and her friends use any form of manipulation at their disposal to bring just a little bit of happiness into even the darkest places.

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Robert Mackey is a retired construction worker and real estate investor turned writer. Robert’s works intended for the mg/ya age groups are free of sex, killing and profanity. His works for adult audiences can’t even begin to make this claim.

Robert currently resides near the megalopolis of Addy, Washington, a hamlet working desperately to attain the coveted ‘One Horse’ status. So far all they have is those stick ponies you know, the stick with the little plastic head at the end that you hold between your legs and run around playing cowboy? Actually, half the people in town have those and the other half have stick cows. Every spring the people with the ponies round up the people with the cows and chase them into the hills to pasture for the summer. It’s pretty quiet around town in the summer. (Got a little sidetracked there.)

Robert lives there with his lovely wife Janice and his teenage son Joshua who has a vocabulary consisting of two sentences which Joshua feels are sufficient to get him through the balance of his life. They are as follows, “Huh?” and “I don’t know.” In case you have any toddlers and are trying to teach them to speak, these few words should be all they need to master in order to make it through high school. These sentences must always be used in conjunction with one another and in the order in which they’ve been presented.

Robert lives by the following adage: No matter how many heads have to roll in the attainment of you goals, be certain to smile and wave at them as they pass. It’s best to do your beheading on a hill with your opponent uphill from you to insure the head actually rolls and to prolong the amount of time you get to smile and wave. (Very important.)

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